Who'd have ever thought I'd be doing it? It's probably one of the stranger things I've done, but I can almost guarantee it would have never happened if he'd not lied to me in the beginning. Is that really as stupid as it sounds?! I suppose it is. I wonder why I trust this guy at all, and I've often thought he doesn't deserve it. I feel like I'm always having to check up on him, and I don't want a relationship in which I can never fully trust.
To hear him tell it, he should have regained my trust by now. I find that really interesting considering the fact that he's been less than forthcoming about conversations with his "friend" in Phoenix. I'm waiting to check the phone bill as soon as it's available, and I'm sitting here wondering why? Why do I want to live this way? What will one month without phone calls to or from her mean to me? What will one month with calls mean to me? I'm tired of having to be suspicious, but his behavior is too fishy for me.
Why would a man turn his cell phone off when he's with his "girlfriend"? Well, because he doesn't want his time with her to be interrupted, of course! Why would a man call his aforementioned "friend" while he's on vacation with his girlfriend? Well, he didn't call her--she called him! Besides, look at the time he talks to her compared to the time he talks to me. How dare I imagine that there's something untoward going on?! Why, when I come around the corner into the room, would a man flip his phone shut as fast as he could, as if he'd just been caught at something? I'm sure there's an equally convincing explanation, but I didn't ask the question. Why give him another opportunity to lie to me?
And so I ask myself... why am I with this guy? Is it the wonderful sex we have? Nope... that's not it! Is it the fact that he's so honest and trustworthy? Nope... that's not it! I'm annoyed. I'm tired of waiting for the perfect reason to break up. Maybe if we just ignore the problems, they'll go away :) (Nope... THAT's not it either!)
He's always saying things like, "we need to figure out what we're going to do with your house," and I can't help thinking that I don't want anyone to help me figure that out. I can't help thinking that it has little to do with the fact that he loves me and wants to be with me. I think it's more about attempting to position himself so that I can't live without him. He wants to move here... in with me, of course... and I don't think I can do it. If I live with someone, I'm going to need double the room I have now. Not half the room. And I'm not going to live with someone I don't trust!
I guess that's the next conversation we have. Ugh.
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3 comments:
i really think you should either date someone you already know or date locally just so they cant totally snow you and you can regain a little trust in men. how long was he saying that first big lie before you found out? and i suppose he may have possibly regained your trust from that horrible event IF he wouldnt have kept lying.the first big lie and his behaviour really is way above and beyond the norm of the kinda lies people tell each other.i think he thinks since he got away with telling one of the biggest lies ever told he thinks he can do whatever(this is very similar to rick being from ireland)when yo think about it,the guy you fell in love with doesnt even exist. i just need 5 minutes alone with that guy i tell you. you are amazing,beautiful,hardworking,smart. the last thing you need is some piece of shit who tells so many lies he doesnt even know what he said.(ok so im biased BUT you really are too good for him and he really is a piece of shit) he fits the stereotype and beyond.
lol... I love you, LeeAnne!
he called me baby for 2years & was supose to be our pet name...I check his phone when he's in the shower & he's calling another girl baby
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